Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Weight Loss 2009 International Press Release
1 commentsAttention: World
Time: 7:03 PM, Tuesday January 27th 2009.
Location: The Bowels of Humiliation
Announcement:
I could feel the bottom of the barrel with the tips of my big toes on the night I initially set up my Wii Fit character. You are put through a series of questions and skills tests to determine your weight and level of fitness. The program, when asking me to stand on the board for the first time, quickly chided me by saying that only one person could and should be on the board at a time. It then splashed the word "Obese" across the screen for all to see. I knew that all had seen it when my oldest son burst into fits of uncontrolled, lose the use of your legs, gasp on the ground for air, laughter! No use of the car for him when he turns sixteen! Finally, to add visual insult to emotional injury, the Wii fit promptly inflated my little innocent Wii Character to whale like proportions. That little guy couldn't touch his toes if a ham sandwich was sitting on them! All he can do now is waddle and lumber after the rest of the Wii characters before sitting down next to a Wii Tree to wheeze loudly like a 3-pack a day smoker.
We are starting WEIGHT LOSS 2009
Slogan: Think of my fat little Wii character!
Current Weight: Too embarrassed to disclose
Goal Weight: 215 lbs (that's right.... stop laughing... you would try to lose weight too if you had seen the alligator tears rolling down the swollen cheeks of my chunky Wii character as he tried to stand up to be picked for a Wii fit balance game. So Sad!
Procedure: smaller portions, less eating after 10:00pm or from the stashes in the closet or under the bed, weekly humiliations... I mean weigh-ins, exercise.... I don't mean JUST getting out of the bed to pee in the middle of the night, extra exercise.
I will post the weekly results (if they are positive) on this blog.
Wait..... it may be time for dinner? See ya!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Aaron's Fantasy Bass and Guitar Closet (4)
0 comments
Still more from the closet! A Lakland bass and a Les Paul guitar fell out while I was sweeping.
news and notes
0 commentsSaturday
Went with son to bass lessons, cut pictures of electric bass ads out of NAMM mags while I waited for him to finish!
Cleaned and vacuumed van with oldest son.
Went with family to open house for new Draper lds temple, Temple was beautiful but very warm, kid threw up in front of us half way through the temple, near sealing rooms, crowded - nose to nose, waited forever for bus to take us back to car. Family enjoyed the open house!
Family went to Red Robin for dinner - I had the blue ribbon burger without tomato or onion
Got kids to bed and played hearts with neighbors - I shot the moon with the first hand then got killed the rest of the game. I left wearing just a sock - in the pouring rain - strange because we weren't playing strip hearts! I really don't remember much after doing the third belly shot off the neighbor's cat. What in the world is in my teeth?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Aaron's Fantasy Bass and Guitar Closet (3)
1 commentsSelf explanatory at this point I do believe. If you are confused - see related posts then turn off computer, take a little white pain pill and lay down, the spinning will soon stop.
Opps.... Sorry, wrong closet!
Back inside girls......
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Quip's Corner - Little Yellow Panties
0 commentsHere you are Richard, my twisted play on the "yellow pansies" post in August. Since we both have always read it as panties anyway. Female and parental criticism may begin forthwith.
Little yellow panties
Little yellow panties dropped on the floor. Discarded and forgotten, kicked aside into yesterday’s laundry. On a nearby cushion, a girl nests, chin raised, shoulders back, quivering from laughter. A silver flip phone pressed to her ear, hidden by cascading waves of damp blond curls. She squeals and wiggles her burgundy tipped toes as she shares a juicy rumor between girls. A crisp pink cotton towel is wrapped loosely across a buxom chest and under cream colored forearms. It drapes down across a bare lower back, providing little cover, the ends flapping open and closed as the girl leans forward to dab at one last naked toenail. A sea of pinup posters blaze across bedroom walls, wolf eyed movie stars and lip syncing crooners flex and leer. A queen-sized canopy of pale violet ruffles cover mounds of stuffed pillows and a community of portly bears dressed for a slumber party. Wild royal blue and gold pom-poms, still weary from the big game, sit limply in a heap upon the surface of the dresser amongst tiny snow white porcelain figurines of ballerinas in repose. A stereo the size of a credit card spews throbbing electronic drivel into space, each artist mimicking the previous. The girl snaps the phone closed and drops it to the floor. In an elaborate pirouette, she rises from the cushion. Allowing the towel to spin and fall from its protective perch, she shudders as the cool air assaults her exposed skin. Without hesitation, she dashes for the closet, slowing just enough to snag the little yellow panties with a pinky finger. She can feel her heart begin to race in anticipation. He will be here in less then an hour!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Aaron's Fantasy Bass and Guitar Closet
0 commentsI will start posting pictures from my fantasy bass and guitar closet. These are instruments from my fantasy collection. I hope you enjoy the fantasy as much as I do. 
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Air, where is the air?
1 commentsIt has been so long since I looked at my blog, I couldn't remember my password.
I was able to reset it without calling Richard. I am fairly proud of myself!
I wilted, as delicately as a 300 lb can wilt, into the couch this afternoon, still decorated with snowpants, multiple layers of socks, boots, long johns and garments (which had been on strapped to this delicate physique since yesterday morning - what a smell), long sleeve shirt and coat.
I have returned from attempted suicide (overnight snow shoeing scout activity). I have not be able to catch my breath for 18 hours. I waddled up to the cabin approximately an hour and twenty minutes after the first scouts and leaders had arrived yesterday afternoon. (we all started together) I spent more time bent over gasping for air and staring at my shoes then looking down the "trail". It averaged about every six steps, depending in the attempted incline. I now remember that I am a musician's son. Why hadn't someone reminded me at 12:30 PM Friday morning when I was at walmart trying on snow pants over my jeans, while sitting in the isle way because no one was manning the "try on the clothes booth" thingies. The worst part was the three pair that were too small to go over my hips but also refused to come off my calves. Someone certainly must have wondered why a large bald man was losing a wrestling match on the floor of walmart with pairs of black and bright blue bib snow pants. I eventually won every match, but the pants got fairly dirty from rolling on the floor.
I am home now.
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