Weight Loss 2009 International Press Release

Attention: World
Time: 7:03 PM, Tuesday January 27th 2009.
Location: The Bowels of Humiliation
Announcement:
I could feel the bottom of the barrel with the tips of my big toes on the night I initially set up my Wii Fit character. You are put through a series of questions and skills tests to determine your weight and level of fitness. The program, when asking me to stand on the board for the first time, quickly chided me by saying that only one person could and should be on the board at a time. It then splashed the word "Obese" across the screen for all to see. I knew that all had seen it when my oldest son burst into fits of uncontrolled, lose the use of your legs, gasp on the ground for air, laughter! No use of the car for him when he turns sixteen! Finally, to add visual insult to emotional injury, the Wii fit promptly inflated my little innocent Wii Character to whale like proportions. That little guy couldn't touch his toes if a ham sandwich was sitting on them! All he can do now is waddle and lumber after the rest of the Wii characters before sitting down next to a Wii Tree to wheeze loudly like a 3-pack a day smoker.

We are starting WEIGHT LOSS 2009
Slogan: Think of my fat little Wii character!
Current Weight: Too embarrassed to disclose
Goal Weight: 215 lbs (that's right.... stop laughing... you would try to lose weight too if you had seen the alligator tears rolling down the swollen cheeks of my chunky Wii character as he tried to stand up to be picked for a Wii fit balance game. So Sad!
Procedure: smaller portions, less eating after 10:00pm or from the stashes in the closet or under the bed, weekly humiliations... I mean weigh-ins, exercise.... I don't mean JUST getting out of the bed to pee in the middle of the night, extra exercise.

I will post the weekly results (if they are positive) on this blog.

Wait..... it may be time for dinner? See ya!