Update cubed

I have completed the fourth of five classes of the weekend marathon known as my CNA course. This by no means indicates that I am close to completion however.

Along with the last day of classroom instruction on Saturday (8:00am to 6:00pm) I will then be participating in two days of clinical work at a Salt Lake nursing home where I am instructed to "make sure that you shower some of the residents." This will be on the next Monday and Tuesday. That Wednesday and the next Saturday will be in-class clinical days known as skills days.

After these are complete and I have passed off all of the skills, I sign up to return for a two hour CPR class. I then begin independent study to prepare for the two state exams to receive my state CNA certificate. One is a written exam and the other is a skills exam, where I need to pass of collecting vital signs, demonstrate the memorized beginning and ending procedures and then complete 5 skills scenarios picked at random from the 28 potentials.

Yesterday's class covered the following topics:
Poop! in all of its forms and fashions. What it is, its color, the collection of it, the cleaning of it, the disposal of it........
germs, virus, syndromes, illnesses, diseases, pressure sores, range of motion and repositioning, graphic pictures of distended uterus's, pressure sores, bone breaks, genital warts and elephantitis of the scrotum (a condition connected to the lymph system oddly enough). We watched a video of a man whose scrotum was the size of a black Hefty Bag if it were full of water. His legs were almost not long enough to stand. It would drag on the ground and when he would sit down it was like he was sitting on a large bean bag chair. At one point he tried to climb into the back of a truck and someone, I would assume a GOOD friend, went behind him and, with good lifting technique - you know bending the knees, keeping the back straight, used the two hand method of shoving with all that he had to get all of the man onto that truck. The video ended before we could see if he was successful. One could only hope.

A previous class included watching a nude women's body go through the nine months of pregnancy, two births - one vaginal and one c-section with such vivid close detail that it would be like having my cheek on the woman's thigh. A detailed review of catheters, their maintenance, and specifically (on both a man and a woman) the application, insertion and removal. The bathing of people in bed with specific focus on what they delicately call "Peri care" or the daily bathing of the "bottom and groin" area.

We also learned about the importance of cleaning and drying of ALL of the folds and wrinkles of the residents body. We were told of a woman who began complaining that one of her extremely large gravity influenced breasts was hurting. After further inspection, the breast was lifted up to discover two-thirds of a long lost peanut butter sandwich which had been there for a good amount of time, was starting to grow things of its own and had to be peeled away. No pictures or videos of this specific incident. Of course I was surprised and disappointed, for this was extremely out of character for the class instructors because every subject seems to have plenty of videos and pictures for full and complete comprehension.

This was two of the four days on instruction. The other two days of instruction will most certainly cost thousands in therapy simply to recall. I think that they call this "post traumatic stress syndrome" or possibly "eeeiiiioooooooo icky icky" I will consult the text book.