Truisms - I love these - I read them again today and laughed out loud!

Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get up off your seat and
open the door. 

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper
that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this
- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
 Hello!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine
times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer?
Drop the phone and run away? 

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know
not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger
and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I
first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying
to finish a text. 

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger. 

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word  they
said? 

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every
year? 

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate
cyclists. 

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating  their
car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the  Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet my all everyone can find and push the  snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed,  first time,
every time!